the people we meet

One of my favorite things in this life is to meet new people.  I love the conversations and discovery.  I especially enjoy looking at the world through other people's eyes.  The perspective they offer often makes me reconsider my own views, opening me up to possibilities previously unconsidered.  How wonderful to find fresh ideas.  Today I met two new people.  At the end of my time with each of them I felt lifted.  The circle of my own life was broadened and reshaped by their having arrived.  And for that I was grateful.  Blessed.

Every day I have the opportunity to meet new people.  I love that as I get ready for my day what lies ahead is still largely veiled and unknown.  For all the planning I do, my interactions with people remain the element of surprise.  As we reach out to people through the internet and social media we take our cues from things they have written and posted on their websites, facebook, twitter, or elsewhere.  We have learned to interact using common tools, phrases, links, and visual and audio clips.  We live and function in this new realm where we converse, communicate, interact, do business, and build our community.  So often what someone has written or posted offers just what we need in the current moment.  Somedays it is the found phrase of another that inspires us, moves us to action, keeps us from giving up and allows us to find our way through to the next level of success we have been seeking.  It is that one person who seems to see us where we are and offers the hand of change, hope.

My goal is to be that person for someone on any given day.  I offer it from a grateful heart.  We are here on this planet in the wide universe to bless one another, to create the pathways, and to be a light.  Pay it forward.  There is always more.

A change in the weather

It's November 9th and the temperatures here in Phoenix finally dipped below 70 degrees - 69 to be exact.  Everyone was talking about how cold it was today.  People wore hats and coats and sweaters.  Now I know to my Canadian family and friends this sounds a little crazy.  But I've lived in Phoenix since 2003 so my thick Canadian blood thinned a long time ago.  And just so you know, I was not wearing a coat, hat, or even a sweater.   But I was delighted to feel the chill of November, be it ever so relative.  Because after months of living in air conditioning, fending off the 110 degrees outside, this was a day to celebrate.

All my life fall has been my favorite season.  The smell of macintosh apples, smoke from a chimney, a new woolen sweater, my leather book bag, maple leaves on the ground, are memories that take me back to my childhood in outport Newfoundland in autumn.  Of course, that was September.  Still today I found myself remembering those things and enjoying them once again, if only in my mind.  There was for me always a sense of new beginnings in the fall.  School, the promise of ideas, new books to read, stories to write, friends and adventures.  How lovely, that on this November day I was reawakened to that joyful anticipation because the cool air held a twinge of the crisp days of fall from long ago.

My life in this moment is filled with new beginnings.  I am learning to live my life as a single mom. I am meeting new people.  I am stepping out of my comfort zone to do things I have not dared before.  I am building a a business from home, a life long dream of mine.  These are new adventures, new joys.  And while I still have my moments of trepidation I wake each day with the certainty that I am on to something good.  Something wonderful.  A definite change in the weather.

May you blessed today!

www.ceowomenathome.com

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Do you have the time?

Who among us could not use more time?  We talk about time ~ all the time.  We say we don't have enough time, we are out of time, if only we had more time, time is running out.  We talk so much about time, not realizing we are wasting time talking about our lack of time. We say things like I would start a home-based business if I had the time.  I would exercise if I had the time.  I would get my masters, grow a garden, paint, quilt, run, read - all if I had the time.  We treat time like something we cannot afford, like something that costs too much for us to have it.  Yet time is always with us, we are always in it.  No matter what we are doing we are using time.  It's how we use time that matters.

I love the saying that what we focus on increases.  So if we focus on the lack of time, guess what?  We have a lack of time.  But if we focus on creating time to do the things that are important to us then we'll have more time.  It means not wasting time, squandering time, or letting time slip by.  When we take action to do things, suddenly time is our friend.  I can get a lot done in a short amount of time if I stay focused and work hard.  I can sometimes multi-task with vigor because I am energized to accomplish my tasks.  So often I can do more in an hour, because I am focused, than I may have done all day.

I work full time in a job outside my home but I also come home at the end of the day to work on my home-based business.  I schedule time for my business and stick to it.  I don't waste my time idly in front of the tv.  I choose to use my time wisely to create more of what I want in my life.  Dave Ramsey says that to be successful you have to "live like no one else so that later on you can live like no one else."  What you do with time today will determine what you can do with time later on.  That simple phrase of Ramsey's changed my view on what it takes to be successful in life, financially and otherwise.  You have got to do what it takes today, now, in this moment, in the time you are in, so that later you can use time the way you want to for other things in your life.

Face it, if you waste your time hoping you will win the lottery while you watch yet another tv show, come this time next year you will most likely still be doing the same thing.  And still complaining that you never have enough time.   How you spend your time now will always determine how you spend your time later on.  Take time, make time, create time.  It's up to you.


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Some days it all makes sense

I attended a Women's Leadership Conference today.  What a wonderful, successful day it was!  I was surrounded by women whose knowledge and experience affirmed for me that doing what you love in life, what you are passionate about, will lead you to fulfillment.  There was nothing exceptionally new being said but the message resonated with me in a new way and called me to action.  We talked a lot about facing our fears, not letting fears stop us, and believing in ourselves.  Following your passion, your bliss, carried throughout the conversations and presentations.  I was awake, fully awake, as I have not been for a long time, if ever, in my life.  All the self-help books, websites, magazines, blogs I have ever read came into clear focus as if someone drew aside a curtain and allowed me to look into my life for the first time.  In just a few hours I went from excuses and restraint to releasing my fears so that I can embrace my dreams.

I can't tell you that any one specific moment or phrase or person made this happen.  It was more that my affirmation at the beginning of the day for the right people and messages come into my life to reveal the direction I should take.  It happened with each person and conversation and presentation.  It was also that I was finally ready to hear the messages and to raise myself out of my place of self-doubt and worry.  You see, I have held a long list of "reasons" why things are not turning out as I desire.  I have an even longer list of "reasons" of why I should not do things.  But on this day, November 5th, 2010 I looked into the mirror to see the reflection of the one and only person who can change that version of my life - me.  And the fundamental truth that rang out like a bell calling me to my inner wisdom was that the fear of failure can only hold you back if you allow it.  Fear is simply something that resides in our minds and failure is nothing more than a lesson on the path to success; it can even be the reason for our success if we learn from it.

If today you are struggling with how to move forward in your life I understand how you feel.  I have been there.  It's my story too.  My advice is that you keep moving forward, one day, one step at a time.  Face your fears, stare them down.  Find mentors who believe in you.  Be uplifted by the shared experiences of those you know and those you meet.  Encouragement will show up when you need it and life will support you and give you courage - no matter what.  Simply lean into your passion and keep going.  It's worth it!

life unveiled

Elizabeth Lesser has a wonderful book called "Broken Open; How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow" that I am reading for the third time.  I have recently had some experiences that made this book a guide and a necessity.  I separated from my husband, moved to a new house, and my father died - all within the space of three weeks.  That was May.  It is now September.  I thought, being the virgo, type-A person that I am, that by now I would be well on my way to the life on the other side of my life's tragedies.  That is not the case.  I have tried to accept this and learn some patience.  Elizabeth talks about going into the pain to find courage in the softness of sadness.  I always thought courage was about strength and resilience.  My sad, broken heart just needed to get over things.  Yet, as I take more care of me and let the sadness exist for a while I am finding a new dimension to courage that I never knew I had.  You see, for a long time I hid my pain and put on a facade for everyone.  Now the veil is lifted and I am standing naked in my own reality, facing the woman in the mirror who lets her true feelings show and is not ashamed of the truth anymore.

Elizabeth also talks about the "Open Secret" that we all share.  We tell each other in our conversations and greetings that all is well and life is good and have a wonderful day.  We walk away envious of the other's happiness because we know ours' is fake.  But the secret is that the people we greet most often feel the same way.  They think we are the happy ones and they wish they were us.  If we were honest we would both see that we have pain and fears and disappointments.  We would be able to truly see each other and perhaps even lift each other up.  Instead we want others to believe we are happy and all is well even though we are tortured by the misbelief that it is really everyone else who has found the key to happiness for which we continue to search.  I walked around like that for years and it took a lot of energy to pretend I was "fabulous" when what I truly needed was to open my heart and tell my story.

I am in the process of becoming real.  I am slowly coming to like and love myself.  I am thinking again of what pleases me, exploring the dreams and longings of my heart.  I am learning to trust the voice within me that I finally recognize as my own.  I am beginning adventures, like building a business.  I spend time calling friends I have neglected for a long time.  I am writing down my goals and planning my life.  I am taking time to sit with myself so I can listen to silence and wait for answers from within.  I am learning to trust that my sadness is the pathway through to the me I have yearned to find.  And when I think I don't know how I will make it on my own I remind myself that I am already doing it, one miraculous day at a time.

I know that as women we are so used to taking care of others that we forget how to love and nurture ourselves.  In the last three months I have had an awakening, a Phoenix kind of arising, from my past.  I see now that my life was not full of mistakes, but of lessons and blessings, from which my whole self is being formed.  For within every perceived failure lies our potential for success if we but seek the lesson offered.

mighty lessons

When my father died in May my heart seemed to split wide open.  I was in the midst of separating from my husband, as well as moving to a new house.  My kids, caught in the middle. Then suddenly I was on a plane flying across the country to be with my family in Newfoundland.  Looking back on those days in May I scarce know how I survived.  At a time when I needed someone to lean on I was the most alone I had ever been in my life.  We can go for years feeling that things remain the same and then within the space of a few days reality shifts and we are forever changed.

Somehow I stumbled into June.  The kids and I began our life in a new house, getting used to the changes. I am in awe of my body now because each day I was able to keep going and it never failed me. One day at a time.  June became July and July gave way to August.  And here I am today.  Slowly the heart ache subsides and life around me takes on the visage of normal.  I am learning to go forward.  For the first time in almost 30 years I am not in a relationship.  And while I thought I would leap into the experience it has taken some getting used-to, some adjustment and courage.  My father told me once that he thought I was a very strong person.  He also told me that being able to support myself was important in life because there are no guarantees.  I wonder if he saw something in me that drew that comment to his mind.  For here I am living out the "no guarantee" scenario.

So what does this story have to do with building a business?  Well, it's more about building a life.  We all come to our work and daily engagements with multiple shades of experience.  We are not one-dimensional, and really how boring would that be?  I look back upon May as a month of mighty lessons.  And the most important one came from my father.  He took his exit much as he lived his life, quietly, faithfully and without a fuss.  He died as he lived, with honor and blessings.  My father did not amass great financial fortune in his life but he lived with the kind of abundance and love that most of us yearn for but rarely find.  Not one day of his life did he owe money.  He never had a mortgage or a car loan or any kind of credit.  He never knew a day of debt.  He loved my mother with his whole heart and created a life that was happy, family-centered and rich in joyous gatherings.  He focused on what mattered, never veering from that, and always working hard to support it.  And therein lies the wisdom.  To focus on what matters most in all that we do.  To reaffirm our "why" when we wake up each day.  I believe that if we do that, focus on what matters,  anything and everything is possible.

go with the flow

My daughter has been saying all summer that she is just "going with the flow."  She is 16 and a rather dramatic, live-with flair, intense, ambitious teenager so this is a departure from the norm for her.  She decided that after a year of stress in her life and being very demanding of herself that she would loosen up, be more relaxed, and simply go with the flow.  She recommended it to me.  She thought her much older, type A, driven, must-be-busy mom needed to stop taking life so seriously.

It is true.  I wake up every day thinking of what I need to do.  My entire morning routine is over-shadowed by my thoughts of what must be accomplished.  But lately I have been trying something new.  I spend at least 10-15 minutes of my morning quietly reflecting while I sip my coffee.  When my thoughts try to race towards creating a checklist for the day, I refrain.  I sit very still and simply enjoy the quietness of my house and the solitude.  I think of all the things I am grateful for in my life especially the blessings of love and friendship.  I practice listening inwardly.  It is my coffee meditation time.  My listen to God time.  My "go with the flow" time, as my daughter says.  For instead of pushing ahead into my day I am taking time to reconnect with the flow of life that runs peacefully within all of us.  We simply need to look within to find it, waiting there for us in the hushed silence of our spiritual being.

If my daughter read this she would be telling me by now that I have taken this "go with the flow" thing too far.  I would have gone a little too "Oprah" for her.  I can hear her say, "There's mom, off on her personal 'Eat, Pray, Love' experience again!  And that may be true.  I am a middle-aged woman seeking her true meaning of life, with enough life-lessons to know that I will never find myself out there in the world.  Been there, done that.  Nope, I am doing the inside job now.  It took me 48 years to figure that out, but by golly I have arrived.  Whatever happens in the second half of my life will be created from the inside out.  I realize this is not a revelation.  Lots of people know this.  I have been reading books for years that teach this very message.  It's just that I am finally doing it.  I am finally taking the time for reflection, meditation and silence.  It is my version of going with the flow.

All things in life require the thinking first and then the doing.  And it is in the doing that we discover that the answers we were seeking were within us all along.